Let me spin you a little yarn of how my day went today.
I really, really, REALLY hope you read this whole thing… because it means so much to me. There are a lot of pictures to follow…. you’ll see.
Actually, I just looked up the definition of “yarn,” and I will not be telling you “a long or rambling story, especially one that is implausible.” Because this is not implausible. It is wonderful, and so sweet, and so true.
I make no guarantees about the rambling.
I'm a rambler.
Allow me to preface this with a short story about myself… I have been going through some things here in the Iceburg. I’ve been somewhat confused about what I’m supposed to be doing… where I’m supposed to be going… what my future holds… what I’m supposed to do with my life… how I can help make the world a better place….
I don’t want to sound dramatic. I know this is the life of a single 20-year old lady-woman-girl-person. Suffice it to say that I have been having horrible sleep anxiety until 1 or 2 a.m., and bad or weird or confusing dreams, and an anxious feeling in my heart and mind while I’m awake… for quite some time now.
I have also been making big decisions about the previously mentioned stressors that give me even more reason to not want to stop, to just keep going and going and going. Leaving no time to think and be and rest. Which, thanks to my Facebook fast, is exactly what I was forced to do.
"Good morning, Starfish." - The Chad, Charlie's Angels
Through all this, my dear sweet Starfishes (roommates) have been watching. They’ve seen me cry and freak out and feel so confused I can’t remember who I am. They’ve stayed up with me as long as they could so I wouldn’t be sitting awake alone… usually until I am so tired I can barely move, or until I’ve already fallen asleep and I awake to, “Jerrold, I’m going to sleep. Do you want to come downstairs, too?” They’ve made me popcorn, and watched movies with me while they’re supposed to be doing their homework, and given me little pokes of affection when I need them.
When I went to bed last night I said a very, very long prayer. I am making some decisions that I will share with you later when they are finalized… but I also asked for a little help. Some help with the decisions I’m making. A little extra help to know that I’m on the right path… a little help to keep my hope alive that I’ve been making the right decisions all this time.
Off goes my alarm clock this morning.
As I walked out of my room, I found this sticky note on the floor outside my room:
… then i saw this one …
… at this point, I thought “Oh what sweet roommates we have to leave everyone nice little notes all over the place!” I have incredible roommates, and this is definitely something any of them would do for every one of us.
Then I found this one:
Let me give you a hint. I am the only person who fits this description in our apartment (the self-taught part, I mean). So, I went about my morning thinking we all were left little notes that would strike a chord within us. That one was for me, this one was for Nena, that one’s for Lizzie, etc.
As I went around our apartment…
… and I found more and more of these little sticky notes everywhere [hover over them to see where I found them]…
… I started to wonder who wrote them. So much love went in to leaving this little trail of notes… serious time and effort to write this many notes… to leave them in the perfect places for all of us to find them…
I’m telling you. These things are EVERYWHERE.
….. and THEN…….
I noticed that my bedroom door and my food cupboard were the only ones with sticky notes on them:
I thought that was strange… and when my roommate Lizzie came upstairs, she told me the secret:
They were all for me.
All the little notes and words of encouragement I had been admiring all morning… were for me.
There were even some INSIDE my cupboard:
And do you see that stack of papers and little note card? That’s a talk called “Forget Me Not” by one of the leaders of our church… it’s like hearing an inspiring message from a best friend… you should totally read it.
In case you don’t really want to…. here’s a teensy little excerpt that says exactly what I needed to hear right now:
“As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-not, I sometimes felt a little like that flower – small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by God. Years later I can look back at that young child with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now – I was never forgotten. You are never forgotten. Wherever you are, whatever your circumstance may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. God loves you because you are his child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.”
And the note card had a sweet, darling note addressed to “Starfish” and signed “Love, Starfish”….
and when I realized they really were for me… these two sticky notes I found last night made even more sense:
I don’t want to get too religious….. but I believe in God. I believe in our Redeemer and Savior Jesus Christ. And I love them so, so much…. and let me tell you. I know they love me. And you.
I prayed with all of my whole heart and soul last night to have just a little help… just a little something to help me make it through today, because really… I couldn’t have taken one more step alone. I have been working my very hardest to figure things out, and to follow what He wants me to do… but I knew I needed just a little help. I recently decided on some pretty big things (again, I’ll tell you about those later!)… and I needed to know that I’m headed in the right direction.
God knows better than us what we need. We work and go and learn and work some more until we can’t go any further, and when we ask for a little bit of help walking the rest of the way… perhaps just a hand to hold while we try to make it… He picks us up and sprints with us. He gives us strength we didn’t know we had.
I hope I’m not getting too religious. But friends, I feel like I just had jumper cables connected to my heart and mind and soul. For the past few weeks I’ve been walking and slowing down and falling and slipping and getting turned around and lost and confused….. and I’m ready to RUN again. All ahead full (another Titanic reference… well, to ME it’s a Titanic reference…) in the right direction. It’s not the easiest direction… but I know it’s the right one for more reasons than I can tell you right now. I’ll tell you later, I promise!
I really needed this today, this week, this month, this year… I love my roommates. They knew exactly what I needed, and they didn’t hesitate to help a sista out. Even before this, they counsel me, and let me cry and freak out to them, and they remind me of all the things I need to know. I am SO THANKFUL for Nena, Anna, Lizzie, Kirsten, and Melissa. I love them so much, and I don’t know what I would do without them. They are so supportive, and so wonderful… With tears streaming down my face, let me end with this:
YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN.
Even in your lowest times, your saddest moments, your darkest days, when you are feeling WEARY and WORN OUT… you are not forgotten.
I am so thankful for so many things, and for so many people….. I love you all!!!!!!!