I want this post to have a second title.
Its alternate title is called, “Did I miss 60-B?”
Its other alternate title is, “What I Learned Over Spring Break”
This is a sorta deep post, I guess… it’s deep to me. And dear to me. So… sorry.
I can’t believe that this semester has begun already. My roommates agree that it feels like the end of Winter Semester… hardly the beginning of Spring Semester. This semester will ask me to hit the ground running… and I am determined!!!
Each day I feel like I realize how much of our lives are determined by the choices that we make…
I’m choosing to enjoy that this is my third consecutive semester (Fall at C of I, Winter at BYU-I, Spring at BYU-I) and my third total college (Boise State, College of Idaho, and BYU-Idaho) as my brain already threatens to give up; I am determined to get an A in graphic design this semester!
I’m choosing to remember that it is, in fact, my choices that determine my future. Decisions determine destiny, after all. Elder Speiser would appreciate that.
I choose to keep taking steps in the dark with naught but a pinhole of light to direct me, as I have been for the past almost-year. I have been blessed with a strong faith in the plan God has for me… so I will keep moving forward!
Onward, Christian soldiers!!!
Let me tell you about my Spring Break.
I spent most of my time in Rexburg during Winter Semester. I think I only came home twice. I SO greatly missed the people I care most about, and it was wonderful to see them! You know those friends who really get you? That you know truly understand the kind of person you are, and truly love you and the way you are, and don’t make fun of you for your crazy tendencies or wild dreams? Not that there aren’t friends like that for me in Rexburg (because there are!), but I feel like I got to see people like that every single day I was home; it was so great!!!!!
I spent most of my time running around the Treasure Valley, from Star to Boise to Melba to Kuna to Murphy to Nampa and everywhere in between, for visits and good talks and friends and family and church and all manner of fun and refreshing times — most of these with very little sleep.
I also saw at least FIVE shooting stars on Saturday night (seriously, I don’t remember the exact number but I saw several…), so I made some quality wishes that are dear to my heart while I was home, too.
Another exciting thing I did during Spring Break was detox myself from Diet Dr. Pepper. THAT was a headache-inducing adventure! But I’m now DDP free for…. 13 days! Considering I had gotten up to 44 oz each day of DDP, that’s quite a feat. I have to stop talking about this now… I want a DDP.
I did go to Sonic, though. Diet Cherry Limeade with extra real cherries. YES.
The only thing I didn’t do that I really, really wanted to was watch the sun rise….. but next time I’m home, I will.
Then came Sunday afternoon and I was forced to face my reality: I was leaving for Rexburg in less than 24 hours. My Spring Break seemed to end much sooner than it had begun, and I wasn’t ready to leave home yet. At all. Spring break sortof felt like…. a dream. Like I was living this dream life where I pretended like it wasn’t going to end, like it would all just keep going like it was, and I would have a gloriously long and luxurious summer vacation, and I’d get to be with my home friends and my Grandma and my family, and I’d get to make art with Hudson whenever he wanted, and I’d get to snuggle Sophie, and make tons and tons of art, and I wouldn’t have to come back to school.
But I did.
And here I am, in Rexburg.
I’ve begun to call Rexburg home. I told my roommates when I would be home, not when I would leave home. It’s exciting that I finally know exactly how to get to Broulim’s AND Walmart, and that I officially know as of today which street is Main Street. (It seems pretty obvious, but I’ve never been good at remembering directions or names of streets.) I know where Craigo’s used to be and where all the best parking spots are for my job.
Rexburg is home to me. Rexburg is where I need to be.
With a deep sigh, I must admit that I have no idea what my plan is. I mean, I do. In a sense, I know exactly what my plan is. At the same time… I have no idea. And that is okay. I know what I want my plan to be; I know about a million things I would like to happen. But right now… I just need to wait.
My plan is to follow the plan.
I feel like I’ve been preparing for something since I was 5 years old, and ever since then I’ve been learning this lesson: wait. Hurry up and wait. Sit and wait. Take a breather and wait. Enjoy life and wait. Regardless of what I need to be doing while I wait, waiting has always been in order for me.
I don’t think it will be a specific something, really. I don’t have these high expectations for life to be something it isn’t, or for life to happen to me while I just sit there… but I just know that I’m supposed to have an amazing life. Do you ever feel like that?!
Anyway. The point is that I don’t know where my path is headed, but I’m excited to get there!
TODAY IS DAY ONE, my friends, as my dear friend Melody would say. It has been Day One for me each day this week (ha ha), and it might be tomorrow! But I refuse to give in. Today, I am CHOOSING that waiting is exactly what I want to do.
Waiting for what, I don’t know. I do know that often I get overcome by my big ideas and my big dreams and my absolute love for life, and I just want to do everything. It is during these times that I get the distinct words “Please, wait” going through my head and my heart and my soul.
I want to do what is best for me; I want to make sure I learn all the things I need to learn in this part of my life. If I’m supposed to “wait,” that is exactly what I’m going to do.
Let me clarify, just quickly, that this waiting I’ve been asked to do has never been an idle thing. It’s always been, “Wait, there is something ELSE you need to do first! So go do that! Wait to do that first thing later; it will be BETTER than you could ever imagine!” So… while I “wait”… I’m going to be working for and running toward the person I’m supposed to be and the life I want to live.
Yikes. That was deep. And I have no idea what I’m even talking about.
But it’s the truth.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see.
So, my friends, if anyone is still reading this…
I’m going to keep on keepin’ on, as my dear brother Elder Wilkins encourages (I’m referencing a lot of people today!). I’m not going to ask to see the next step, just enough to keep me walking. Just enough to keep me away from cliffs, or snakes, or things that would not propel me towards the life I’m supposed to have.
Or spiders… because those things are sick.
Let me end a not-so-short post with this realization I have come to.
HOWEVER LONG AND HARD THE ROAD
I was listening to this talk by a man in our church yesterday…. and it’s pretty long. I SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND LISTENING TO IT!!!!!!!!! It has changed my life. (Here’s the link to where you can listen to it if you want.)
But, as usual, I will share with you my favorite part so you get the gist of the way I’m feeling:
“It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part. And when some of those challenges come, you will have the temptation common to us all to say, ‘This task is too hard. The burden is too heavy. The path is too long.’ And so you decide to quit, simply to give up.”
Elder Holland goes on to explain that in 1940, Winston Churchill was called to be prime minister of England. He was ready to rally his fellow countrymen to patriotism and determination during the trying times that lay before them.
“I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.
You ask what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land, and air, with all our might and with all our strength that God can give us. . . .
You ask, What is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory–victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror; victory, however long and hard the road may be.“
I’m embarrassed to say I don’t really know much about Winston Churchill. Anything I’ve heard about him seems like he was a pretty hardcore dude. In a good way.
Listening to this helps me remember the passion I have for life when I am feeling confused or discouraged or weary.
I love what Elder Holland said:
“Blood? Toil? Tears? Sweat? Well, I figured I had as much of those as anyone… I was, in the parlance of the day, going to give it ‘my best shot,’ however feeble that might prove to be.”
So… onward I go in to Spring Semester (and beyond!), to give it my best shot.
My plan is to follow the plan….
….however long and hard the road may be.